Written by Jess Weal.
Before you read this review just know, I am writing this at 4am after the midnight screening. I have been awake for 22 hours and am only running on coffee. “You could have waited till the morning to write this” I hear you say, but I needed to get my emotions out about right now! I also wanted you to know I am better than you because I went to the midnight screening and you did not. But let’s get on, shall we?
Anyone who knows me knows how much of a ‘Potterhead’ I am (hate this term but I know y’all will come for me if I use another one). The whole Harry Potter franchise is my life, to the point where I have tattoos that my parents hate me for (sorry mum and dad). And let’s be honest, the only real reason we are getting this “spin-off” is because Jo wanted more money, that’s just the tea. Despite all this, I loved it, so let’s talk about that.
Crimes of Grindelwald carries on from Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them. Grindelwald (Johnny Depp) has just escaped prison and is trying to get all pure-blooded wizards together to rule over muggles (so basically Voldermort because apparently, they couldn’t come up with a better idea). Newt (Eddie Redmayne) is back in London and has been asked by Dumbledore (Jude Law) to go to Paris to go after Grindelwald and stop him. Credence (Ezra Miller) is alive and looking for his family (he doesn’t have a bowl haircut anymore, thank god). And Dumbledore… he is sexy as hell and I’m not embarrassed to admit it.
Negatives first, because there always has to be one… or many in this case.
Johnny Depp is trash. Nice to look at in the 80s. But now he is trash.
The film follows way too many different storylines, to the point where some things that are said, which seems like they would be extremely important to the plot, are rushed over! I literally turned to my friend, like “what is going on?” It was really confusing, and everyone was here, there, and everywhere. There were so many unanswered questions, which seem like they probably couldn’t be answered in another film, and so many things are happening that contradict all the Harry Potter films, people are related to other people and it’s all very confusing! And I know this isn’t another Harry Potter film, but if you are going to have Dumbledore and Hogwarts, then I’m calling it a Harry Potter film.
I need more Young Grindelwald (Jamie Campbell Bower) and Young Dumbledore (Toby Regbo) in the film! Having them on the screen, for about collectively, 30 seconds was not enough. Do you know how much I screamed when I saw Jamie was playing Grindelwald again? Do you know how much I screamed when Toby popped up in the trailer for about .5 of a second? You don’t, but my sisters do because I left them a voice note screaming about it. All my screams for about 30 seconds of screen time? No, thank you.
We all know Dumbledore is gay, so I want more of that. We know he loved Grindelwald, but we don’t know if Grindelwald loved him back and I need to know this! This is such a massive part of their relationship together and the fact that their history is brushed over completely is actually pretty ridiculous. We need to find out more in the next film or I’m suing!
Other than all this. This film is pretty amazing and I actually loved it more than Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Again, I’m going to compare this to Harry Potter and I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it!
Seeing Hogwarts again, honestly, I wanted to cry. It felt familiar, it felt like home.
We actually get to see Dumbledore teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, and he uses a Boggart and the names of his students are the last names of the students in Harry Potter. It was all very… you guessed it, familiar. And I loved it, I loved the little easter eggs that were in it, stupid stuff that maybe people who weren’t majorly obsessed with the Harry Potter franchise wouldn’t recognise.
Whoever cast Young Newt should get a pay rise because that was an amazing match, I was actually shook, it was really like looking at a young Eddie Redmayne. Also, after this, my Eddie Redmayne obsession has come back again, so if you need me, I will be watching Les Mis on repeat for the next 24 hours.
Kind of love that Nagini is a person in this, really weird though, but watching her turn into the snake version of Nagini was amazing. It was a really interesting way to introduce her to the plot, and we all know how it ends for her, but I can’t wait to see how she gets to that point, what she goes through to get to Voldemort and why they bond the way they did.
We get introduced to Bunty, who is in it for all of 5 minutes. But, in them 5 minutes, she tells Newt to take off his shirt and if I was in her position I would have done the exact same thing. Bunty is the real hero of this film.
2 words. BABY. NIFFLERS. I want one! No, I need one. Imagine having a baby niffler. Ohh my god, I can’t think about it I get too emotional.
Jacob, Tina and Queenie are all back again. I just ship Jacob and Queenie, so much! Tina and Newt are alright I guess, but it is kind of a hetty relationship that doesn’t really need to happen.
This film has so many plot twists and surprises, I was sat there with my mouth wide open at so many points. There are so many things that will just remind you of Harry Potter and will make you want to go back and watch all the films again. Mini spoiler, but there are a few characters from the Harry Potter films that you may recognise (the names at least).
There is so much more to say, but there are so many things to spoil I want to quit while I am ahead!
Of course, I am going to see this film again, and I recommend you all see it too, regardless of if you were a big Harry Potter fan or not. This film is amazing, and you will love it.
Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is in cinemas now